Millennial Depression - how to feel better.

We slid out of our mothers canals carrying the weight of empty promises, too heavy a load for thy saddle bags of the soul.

feelzpodcast

12/8/2021 4 min read

Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem. One of Lauryn Hill’s most delicious rhymes during her commanding display of poetry via Doo Wop (That Thing).

Don’t be a hard rock, when you really are a gem.

Her words are currently resonating with me like an elderly persons bum wind. Does this ever happen to you? Listening to the same song over and again, or possibly called to a particular phrase, poem or melody.

A gem in and of itself is a hard rock mineral. Both are the same being. Perhaps this is what calls my noggen to continually bomb Miss Hill through my ears this week. Yes. To be hardened within ourselves… and to be a gem, is one in the same. Sometimes I feel as though I have lost my softness, as if it has permanently drifted from me. Yet hardness and softness work in tandem, both the nurturer and the rigid cannot abandon one another. They continuously dance together in our subconscious minds.

Over the last few weeks I have felt numb. When numbness carries on within my soul beyond a period of many days, I notice an incremental yet very raw irritability in my being. My mild snapping at the dog, gross internal judgements of others around me, alongside challenging stress poos which are gently on the rise. I must admit, it has taken a fair few moments of solitude to understand what’s beneath this numbness.

It appears I have a severe case of the millennial blues, or perhaps even simpler, the existential blues.

CUE THE MOODY MUSIC FROM BLADE RUNNER 1.

I needn’t deeply analyse for you why anyone aged between 20-40 may be struggling with existential depression, and in turn, extended bouts of emotional numbing. When you are born into nation's that offer no economic growth, amidst a planet on fire + stifled floppy white men who refuse to retire; it’s quite comprehensible to feel like a burdensome Belinda.

We slid out of our mothers canals carrying the weight of empty promises, too heavy a load for thy saddle bags of the soul.

I am indeed a Millennial, and not a lucky one at that. I was brought into the world by two humans who didn’t really want me, I never bothered to learn about money and I spent the majority of my twenties coming to terms with my sexuality (as an enjoyer of Lesbanese food). I do however acknowledge the upshots in my life, and thank the universe for providing me a healthy dose of darkness and light. None the less, when I observe the layers of gloom my generation is navigating, I deeply understand - and above all I feel for them; for all of us.

Collective numbing first occurs at an individual level. Much like in polyvagal theory, where we are able to fight, flee or freeze when threatened; any situation rendering disempowerment for a person calls on our being to pause through the art of immobilising. Regarding millennial depression, it appears no inner action has caused this freeze response, but in fact the disempowerment had already been done - so long ago we may not have noticed. The media reminds us daily that the world has big fat issues to resolve in order for millennials to feel more grounded, yet it is slow to do anything about them. In a sense, we feel abandoned, by our elders and those wiser than us - our supposed societal role models.

Thus here we are, the part of the article where I give you some therapeutic advice to calm your nervous system, and as always I am going to have a maroon hot crack.


I am going to tell you one sweet and syrupy line that my counsellor told me during our last session together fam, “magic can still happen in this world.”


I forget this daily. I lose faith in my relationship with the unknown, because I think I know it all. Why? Because of the f*cking internet, which gives all of us the illusion that we’re God. Surely there’s no misinformation online or shoddy predictions by our leading experts? I’m pondering down yonder a statement I heard during Psychotherapist Gabor Mate’s recent online talk, focusing on how the medical sector are not all-knowing experts:

“Regarding A.L.S, for the most part people become paralysed. It’s uniformly fatal within ten years, often faster. Except when it isn’t. As in the case of the physicist Stephen Hawking, who was diagnosed at 21, given three years to live; yet died 53 years later. That ought to at least make us think maybe we don’t know everything. Not to mention other cases that have recovered from A.L.S.”


Perhaps for a moment, we could avoid the news, leave our phone in the kitchen, sit our bums on the nearest park bench and look up at the sky, in order to gently remind ourselves that we don’t know absolutely errythang. We have agency and autonomy in this world, as well as the ability to trust in the unknown (with a little bit of soul training). Maybe rip a piece of paper from a note pad, write down what you have right now, what you don’t have but more excitedly what you could have as you live in this world for however long.

And darn toots, if you need a hint of resilience + internalised strength because the unknown instigates a fear response; I recommend another dollop of Lauryn Hill for tonight’s ear meal.

To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition/ even when they comin, gunnin I stand position.

photo credit: Lauryn Noelle Hill
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