Let's reframe the ballz out of victimhood.
MENTAL HEALTH SELF LOVE
Each morning I have started pulling one tarot card for myself. Back in the day, I made up this character called “Kelly the Klairvoyant”. Tarot cards were one of her favourite hobbies. For fun as my real self, I bought a whole pack. Pulling one each day has become a little nugget of my wanky yet loveable morning ritual.
Cue Kelly for the memz -
The cards generally don’t hold too much weight in my day, yet the other morning I pulled a card that aligned with recent realisations.
A calm woman in some flawless white ass gown, smiling whilst stroking a lion. She does not fear circumstance, she shapes it, like the epic angel frocked bitch she is. S T R E N G T H.
Pulling this card felt bittersweet. The recent realisation I had was front of mind.
I have been functioning for a very long time within a victim mindset.
Since a young age I have used the victim mindset to navigate the world and protect my heart. Legit. Victimhood has a very positive intent within our subconscious. It enables us to feel we are in control by always expecting the worst - and above all, avoiding accountability for anything that goes wrong in life. I have not met a client or peer to date who has opted for the victim mentality out of the crisp thin air. We move into this mindset through learned experiences fam, and it can be a right pain in the ballsack identifying this within ourselves.
The good news is that self-awareness is a learnable skill. We can refine this attribute quite quickly too. If you are feeling the victim vibe a lot, have you asked yourself these two questions?
· “Is it true that my life is up to total fate?”
· “Is it true that the world is out to get me on a personal level?”
For counsellors, calling out the victim mindset can be uncomfortable. Primarily, practitioners acknowledge and honour the reason people exist with a “woe is me” mentality. It serves a purpose, and is a secondary symptom to an experience someone has had to go through (generally outside of the client’s control). That in itself makes it challenging to call out, because it’s so immensely understandable.
The second is that some people truly have experienced the most painful events and relationships. How could you ask someone to “take more responsibility” in their life if they are dealing with the aftermath of sexual assault or emotional abuse? Abusive and selfish people are always the issue. Not us. It is their problem and their pain, yet we are required to experience the fallout as survivors of their bullshit.
My view is that the goal of therapy and self-healing lies in empowering our own narrative. I have spent the last few weeks being a self-help-sally, focusing on shifting out of the victim vibe as quickly as possible. It ain’t easy. This train has been going 100km an hour for 30+ years, she’s comfortable in her victimhood; it’s familiar and known.
Lyf need to change hun. My soul is growing tired and so too are the people around me.
Not to the degree I have been at least. Neglectful parents, shit partners, selfish friends, past abusers and bully bosses do not exist in anyones life because of fate. They appear in all human experience some point. This can be as hard as a willy to wrap the head around. Sometimes experiences do feel targeted. But as you know, any action we take in our external lives are always driven by our internal perception of our own identity. If someone is focusing on making your life hard, this is their own wound projecting out onto you.
In no longer taking everything so personally, I have found I am way more in balance in my day to day movements. I have more room for thoughts, more physical energy and above all my trust in others is steadily increasing. The cynicism I live with is deeply ingrained, and to a degree is unavoidable. Judgement and cynicism are a survival mechanism helping us to navigate the world. But it’s no longer taking up 80% of my brain capacity. My goal is to move it down to at least 20% of my delicious mind fluff. I am even considering allocating “victim mode” time. Small segments of the week where I get to vent and journal about how the world can be a bit of a dick in order to let my scared inner child do her thing.
I still believe there are moments where it is justified to feel victimised and personally attacked. This is planet earth. The ride can be rocky and some people have shit streaks of luck. Much of life rests upon the cards you were dealt at birth. After a period of caregiving, we then need to work out the rest. My concern is that, if you allow the victim mindset to become your prominent mindset as I did, you will look for reasons that the world is a bad place. It will become habitual within your neuroplasticity to see the worst in every situation and anticipate bad things. This means you may also see darkness where there isn’t any. I have on many occasions, written off friendships or opportunities because I jumped the gun on someones attitude toward me.
If you’d like a practical way to reframe victimhood, plonk into this chapter from The Four Agreements.
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This shit got me in my feelings.