Listener Q - Why Feelz?

I thought that the people I cared about would validate the crap-sack out of me when I cracked jokes, thus filling an emotional void in my being. And I was correct.



2/4/2021 2 min read

Q: Loved the podcast ep this week. What made you want to start Feelz?

Kia ora Feelz listener, hello and welcome. This is a gorjus yet unexpected question. In fact, this is my first personal enquiry. As you know I am very shy and bashful so I am going to have to go and grab a wine to work at loosening my insecurities and let the real ME out.

As a child who played music 21/7, my true dream in life was to become a drummer. Then I became a twenty-something and pissed that right off. Soon after, my dream was to start a clothing line. Then I remembered I cannot make clothes nor could I be bothered. Nek minit, I noticed that my cynical approach to humour made the people I love laugh. When my loved ones were down, I would plonk a little humour in their ear holes and for a moment their troubles were gone.

I know what you’re thinking, “omg SO beautiful, you want to make people smile!”. 

WRONG hun. I realised the people I cared about would validate the crap-sack out of me when I cracked jokes, thus filling an emotional void in my being. And I was correct. 

Comedy was like a drug. The LOL’s pulled eyes on me and sometimes people even quoted my jokes to other humans in the world. I created skit videos and started improv. I did anything I could to improve this skill-set that made me feel valuable to other people. 

As you know, like any decent drug, the high never lasts long.

I came across the following in a Quora reply: “What we do, and our motivations, should ideally be entirely dependent on self-reasoning. We create the reasons behind our actions, and while other’s ideals and nature may influence our actions and decisions, and possibly assist in keeping us on track. Our ultimately defined motivation and commitment shouldn’t be sustained by someone else’s temporal supportive nature.” These words have melted into my mind like butter on a hot cross bun. External validation is not bad, it’s just that too much of it can wreck our vibe. 

One ponders where the fuck the answer to the original question has gone and as such I will henceforth tell you.

I started Feelz because I had developed a skill-set in comedy, but it was not my purpose. Against my own will I fell into my purpose. My own suicidal ideation and self-harm drove me to work in the mental health sector. Over the course of five years, I had finally found myself in a job where I was making a positive impact and getting shit done. 

My “thang” is helping people navigate their mental health in a way that is not too clinical. To engage in their emotions without feeling as though they’re a statistic or a number, but a formed chaotic and beautiful human. One day it all clicked: mix comedy with your passion for true emotional expression. The idea was simple, though the execution of the podcast is not (a labour of pure love!). I appreciate you listening whoever you are. I appreciate you taking the time to not only help yourself but to help me too. Making episodes and writing the blogs are super therapeutic, I feel lucky to be able to share my own journey and have it empower yours in the process.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk,

Broprah x

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This shit got me in my feelings.